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What is the definition of sex?Before we can discuss how long sex should last, there are a few nuances to cover, including the definition of sex itself.First, sex can be with yourself, a partner, or more than one partner, according to sex therapist Douglas Braun-Harvey, cofounder of The Harvey Institute, which conducts sexual health trainings and consultations.Then there's the question of when sex "begins" and "ends." The answer may differ depending on who you ask.For example, some might say sex begins when there is penetration, while others might say it starts during foreplay. Here's what they want you to know. Using this phrase can add a level of shame and self-criticism to something that should be all about pleasure and connection, rather than a specific timetable.That's why sex therapists have a lot to say about how long sex should last.
And that may range from a matter of minutes to a number of hours.Depending on a handful of factors, somewhere between five to 20 minutes is what most find desirable, Needle says. "It focuses on a standard that leads to less pleasure and less connection with oneself or partner," he says.Sex therapist Dulcinea Alex Pitagora says that it should last as long as both parties are consenting and enjoying sex. So, how long should sex last?If you're self-conscious or concerned about how long your romps last, know that the consensus among sex therapists is that there's no absolute or standard time range for " good sex."Placing emphasis on how long you had sex actually inhibits physical intimacy, according to Braun-Harvey.
In fact, Needle says having quickies as part of your sexual repertoire can be good for your sex life and for a healthy relationship.Other people enjoy quickies because they're an easy way to connect with a partner, Cooper says. "Sex of a longer duration can sometimes be exhausting physically and emotionally."Quickies can help break up your regular sex routine and boost excitement and sexual energy too. They are also proof that you don't need an extended period of time to have enjoyable sex."For those who are pressed for time, quickies can be great to stay physically connected and have more sex," she says. Slow sexPeople like quickies, brief sexual encounters, for different reasons.According to Needle, they can be fun, spontaneous, intense, and exciting. The benefits of a "quickie" vs. That's because women often need more stimulation prior to penetration and generally don't climax as quickly."A Canadian study, for example, found that female same-sex couples reported much longer durations during individual sexual encounters than men and women in mixed-sex or male same-sex relationships," Cooper says.Other research on mixed-sex couples and clinical experience points to women needing more time to experience sexual satiation in a sexual scenario, Cooper says.It's important to remember that what people want and enjoy is different when it comes to all things related to physical intimacy, including how long it lasts or whether or not you reach orgasm.So the duration of a satisfying sexual encounter has a lot of wiggle room, so to speak.
Skip the timer and do this insteadHopefully, you understand that keeping an eye on the time is one way to kill the mood. And it'll do you more good than controlling how long each encounter lasts. "It allows partners to expand their sexual menu to include experiences that they each find pleasurable."Plus, if you can get out of your own head, you'll be able to read and enjoy your partner's sexual signals and stimulation, Cooper adds.Having open and ongoing communication about your and your partner's desires, needs, and pleasure will lead to more satisfying sex. Cooper focuses on empowering people to understand their own anxiety and stress levels and to learn techniques to lower them when it comes to sex."Once partners are more relaxed, they're more able to communicate their desires without expressing or hearing judgement, rejection, or criticism," she says.
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